Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Has half the year really gone by???

In April I gave our last family update but that update seems like a lifetime ago.  Around the time I posted our last update I learned that we were expecting a new bundle of joy.  I didn't say anything for several reasons but the main reason was because of fear of judgment.  It took me a while to deal with this emotion that I was going through but in the end I placed my trust in Him and accepted the fact that only He knows what He is doing.  Honestly my first thoughts were this is not a good time because I just started losing weight again and how in the world will we be able to afford another child and what would I say to all those people that just mumble under their breath that we shouldn't be having another child.  I struggled and struggled because when we got married we (Alex and I) both agreed that we would leave all children issues in the Lord's hands and we would gladly accept as many children He gave us with open arms.  So why would I have these fears?  I realize fear does not come from the Lord but these thoughts were on my mind.  I was honestly very happy with my family.  Who could ask for more?  I have been blessed with two sons and two daughters.  I thought I was content with my family size and the thought of having any more children did not cross my mind so I started to try to take control of this area of our lives.  Obviously the Lord had totally different plans because boy were we shocked to learn in April that we were expecting again.  I went through just about every emotion but in the end we decided to share this news with our immediate family only.  I researched around for local midwives because we have already decided that we did not want to travel back to PA for another birth because it was just too much money to go back and forth.  After researching around I found a hospital nearby that works with midwives and we scheduled an appointment.  At our first appointment we knew we were going to have a dating sonogram so we were expecting to see the baby.  One of the downfalls of living so far away from our family is that we do not have many people in this area that we trust to leave our children with for brief periods of time, so here we all go, all six of us in this little room and we wait to see the doctor and our baby.  When we finally got to see the doctor he was so nice and made us feel at ease even though we had everyone in the room.  He immediately went over all the background and then came the moment that we got to have our sonogram.  All eyes were locked in on the screen to see the baby and my second son says, "Where is the baby?  I don't see him."  The minute he said that my heart sank.  In that instant all the fears that have been invading my brain were washed away and all I could do was look for this baby.  I felt the lump in my throat but held it together because I try to never cry in front of my children.  All the kids wanted pictures so the doctor printed up four copies of the empty sac and the kids left the doctor's office so excited.  Later that night my husband held me as I cried and I shared with him that I never wanted a child as much as I want this one.  Like that every single fear was pushed aside and only love invaded my entire body.  We prayed every night that week like we do most nights anyway but this time the prayers centered around Baby B.  The kids were so sweet and honest with their prayers it warmed my heart even more.  That week seemed like the longest week I have ever gone through but exactly a week later we went back to the doctor's office.  This time my second son says, "Look the baby grew!"  I stared at the doctor's face as his face dropped and he replied, "He is right, the baby did grow."  The doctor was shocked and my kids responded we prayed for this baby all week and now we finally get to see him.  So yes this has been an emotional journey for me but I can honestly say with such excitement that I am so excited to say that I can't wait to meet Baby B during the Christmas/New Year holiday!!!

Later in May we were visited by my parents which rushed us into June and Alex's parents visited us and brought us back to Texas while he was deployed to Japan.  We have been here for about a month now and now we are getting ready to go back home to New Jersey.  Can't believe that our vacation time is almost done.  Honestly I am excited to reunite my family again with their daddy.  We miss him terribly and can't wait to end this summer on a good note.

Now we begin the countdown to the beginning of a new school year.  Yup in 12 days we will begin our new year and I have so many mixed emotions about it but I know that we will be stretched in good ways.  The month of July has been a challenging one for us so far as there are many things that are happening that may affect all seven of us but we are trying to have faith that everything will work out for the best even if we can't see it now.  So in the meantime we focus on the positive and love the family that He has blessed us with!

I know this has been a long post and if you made it to the end I thank you for always being a faithful and loving friend.

In Christ,


1 comment:

Heidi said...

wow, Honey, where have the years gone???? :)
i was just looking at your facebook and then found your blog-so wonderful to read...I know what you mean about wanting your baby-we had a miscarriage in January (our first baby) and then found out we were expecting another baby in lose one (or think you could) puts things into perspective-we are so thankful and so excited to meet our little one in January. it was so good to read this update from you and to see how the Lord has blessed and cared for your family-I think I only got to meet, can't believe that was 2006 when I saw you last (on your way to Maine)-maybe I should email this instead of writing on and on, LOL. I'll end here :)
heidi (stevens) taljaard